Monday, February 27, 2006

Rockets Bullets in the Head

The week in Rockets... last week. We've been gone.

We finally know what was troubling Mac. And like I thought, we wish we didn't. We do, however, wish T and the Mac family well.

Amaris is Rockets Power Dancer of the Week. She loves Houston. Julie, whom we missed last week, not so much. But Jules is a teacher... in high school.

T-T-teacher stop that screamin' / Teacher don't you see? / Don't wanna be no uptown fool / Maybe I should go to hell / But I am doing well / Teacher needs to see me after school! bets T-Mac and Yao are the NBA's odd couple. The linesmakers are adjusting.

Marc Stein's got the Rockets
moving up 3 spots in the Power Rankings to 14, two higher than the Lakers who got that eighth spot. He reminds us though, the Rockets have the toughest remaining schedule in the league.

Nevertheless, after three straight W's, the Rockets look good again... until they play Phoenix tonight (8:30p EST).

Loving the Big Red One One

We went on a week-long hiatus... not that anyone reads this anyway. But the break was for various reasons, one being the first ever Comic-Con in New York City (which I was covering journalistically). We'll be filling in stuff we would have done or started doing as the week goes by. But first...

Just when we actually started to enjoy our spare time, Yao went and earned West P.O.W. and we couldn't help ourselves.
Richard Justice at the Chronicle jocks our boy. His look into the numbers makes us wonder why Mac and Co. continually have to make his case. Here's some highlights from last week (
Feb. 22 vs. L.A. Clippers: Scored 29 points on 11-of-16 shooting, while adding 15 rebounds and two blocks in a 106-102 win over the Clippers.

Feb. 24 vs. Golden State: Posted 22 points and 21 rebounds to lead the Rockets past the Warriors 91-88.

Feb. 26 at Orlando: Had 29 points, 11 rebounds and two blocks in a 89-84 road win over the Magic.
That's a-nize... but why was Van Gundy taking press photos of Yao at the All Star break?

Monday, February 20, 2006

NBA All Star Wrap Up: Lebron James is a Party Pooper

This is the second of our What the Fuck, dude?!? posts, but we'll squish it in with the rest of the NBA All Star Wrap Up.

Bron-Bron... you can win MVP for the next 20 years and you probably would. Hell, you could have waited until next year and still have been the youngest ever to do it. What the fuck, dude?!?

Can't you see T-Mac's been downer then that little blob in the Zoloft ads lately? Couldn't you figure that receiving the All Star MVP award would have reaffirmed Tracy's love for the game and the city of Houston. You ruined the feel-good story of the year. You're lucky Houston fans aren't the type to boo or have any collectively strong opinions on anything outside of concealed handguns. But even Kobe was trying to hook him up. Kobe...

To be honest, we don't know why Mac didn't just run the clock all the way down and take the 3 at the buzzer--which is what he usually would do. Mac chose differently and perhaps incorrectly, but still... Bron... Bron... what the fuck, dude?

Matt Wong, Asian American sports pioneer, agress with us, and by pure coincidence, he becomes our new favorite sportswriter.

ESPN breaks down the All Star Best and Worst. They also drop a list of who's HOT and who's NOT. When did ESPN become Seventeen magazine? We breakdown the Best and Worst Dressed.

Sunday, February 19, 2006

NBA All Star Update: Train is Alive!

After having seemingly disappeared with no rhyme nor reason for days since All Star Weekend began, our NBA All Star correspondent, Train, reappears with no explanation at all...

So I went to this Jam Session thing... which would have been the time of my life if I were about 13 yrs old. When you first walk in they have a bunch of people standing there on either side of you, clapping and giving you high fives. I ran through like an All Star.

We did the Shooting Stars Challenge--Drew, Eric and me. Drew couldn't make the shot at the top of the key... took him a good fifteen seconds. We gave Eric the spots that the WNBA players usually get. He came through though and made both his shots on the first try.

Then I beat them both in the Adidas shootout, which was just six spots around a basket that spelled out "Adidas.". I spelt Adidas first A-D-I--I made nine. Eric only made A-D-I and Drew made A-D-I-D. Drew tried 13 times and finally dunked a nine foot goal (Not quite Nate Robinson is he?).

Then we saw the main event--the All Star wheelchair basketball game. There was actually pull-up jumpshots--well, set shots--layups, fade-aways, pick and rolls, backdoor cuts... but no dunks. (Yea, and until they can dunk, nobody's gonna watch that shit.) There was one guy on the East that was wheelchair Shaq. When he got the ball in the paint, he just took all the time he wanted to shoot because he just taller than everyone else... and well, like I said, they can't jump.

All Star Bullets in the Head

The Houston Rockets are having one of those years where the great inexplicable powers of the universe are reminding us that athletes are human after all. T-Mac wrestles with something bigger than his jumpshot.

We kind of want to know, but we kind of don't. We send love anyway, via our big Chinese rep.

Scoop Jackson hits H-town for the break and reveals there is plenty of love lost in Houston. Schizopolis is over Yao but T-Mac isn't and neither are we.

We usually don't even bother with Peter Vescey (the New York obnoxiousness incarnate), but he reports or speculates that Van Gundy is pulling another Ernie Grunfeld:
Sources say Jeff Van Gundy and Carroll Dawson are no longer on speaking terms...I'm informed Van Gundy is so angry with the personnel Carroll has provided that he recently told free-agent pickup Stromile Swift, "Would you please ask to be traded."
We speculate that yea, that sounds like something Van Gundy would say. And something Stro' would just take and internalize and manifest in rebelliousness, shouting, poor decision making and eventually deep depression. Trade rumors?

Feigen at the Houston Chronicle reveals that the Rockets would love to have Stevie Franchise back. I'm on record as saying his trade was unecessary (but with the understanding when a player like McGrady comes along, he's hard to pass), so yea, we'd like him back, too. But like Feigen, we know damn well it ain't gonna happen.

NBA All Star Coverage: Little Dunk Take Big Dunk

Day 2 of NBA All Star Coverage and still no sign of our All Star correspondent Train...

Nate Robinson! That's how Bobbito Garcia calls him. With that Turtle dude from Entourage in Knicks promos, and when I e-mailed him about it. I guess you gotta shout it, 'cause you never seen some shit like that. I mean you've seen it, just not like that. I was rolling on the floor. Nate Robinson! Have the exclamation point permanantly affixed and officially changed to your name.

Our new favorite Asian American sports pioneer says Iggy was robbed. And so does some other random sports blog. Yao's gonna chime in...

Yao, yao, yao, yao... Fate Rob did that thang. Stop hatin'. You don't think a 5' 9" dude should get extra chips for doing dunks only Vince Carter could do pre-2000? YOU'RE CRAZY!!! And you be hatin'. That motherfucka's 5' 9", my dude, 5' 9". Yao momma's 5' 9"... no, yao momma... fuck it. I can't even see that dude when the dew point drops. You bitches be crazy. Iggy's my boy and that behind the backboard shit was blazin' and that behind the back piece was aiight, but yao, he didn't do know sick shit to follow it up. How you gonna go to the jump off with only two dunks? Nate did his thang. Don't be hatin'. -- YM

Deadspin lists the Best of Charles Barkley All Star Saturday Night. We love Charles as much as he loves Houston.

Hey, Train! Did you get arrested already? Holler at us. Can you check your e-mail from holding?

Photos by Reuters

Saturday, February 18, 2006

NBA All Star Coverage: Rookie Challenge Met
"Why Can't You Do That in a Real Game?"

Coach Madden used to ask us the same question after running pick-up at open gym. Well, because they play hard in real games.

Philly's other more amiable AI, Andre Iguodala, takes the Rookie Challenge MVP the way one perhaps should... not that one necessarily should do anything... Kobe.

Iggy turned it on in the 2nd half with a little penchant for flair and theatrics, making the game seem almost well-played. ESPN's breakdown of the Sophomores and Rookies reminds us it wasn't. Deron Williams, my preseason ROY, stunk up the joint. has an Asian American editor. Surely another breakthrough for our people in sports. He tells us 'Nique Jr. has some comp in AI.

photos from

Friday, February 17, 2006

All Star Countdown: - 2 Hrs, 55 Min... It Has Begun!

NBA All Star Weekend has begun... and Train, our All Star correspondent, is no where to be found. Brotha, if you see this, crash this party. Or just hang out in the parking lot like we used to do in high school. Anyway, it looks hilarious... like Nick Cannon. Try not to get arrested on the first night.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Beloved Moochie Traded For Magic Lamp

We're a little late posting this. Simply too distraught to touch the computer. Moochie traded again... this time for a magic lamp. So instead of dwelling on the fact that Mooch was reaching his twilight run and that the Houston Rockets should feel lucky anyone would trade for him, we're going to focus on why we loved the Mooch so much in Houston. Moochie was big.

The name instigates the game. Mooch did it his way, his style, and the suits might not have liked it, but Mooch came through. He never played better than when he toned down those who would tone him down. When he strut the hair, the knee highs and the headfakes, he strut his stuff.

1.) The hair: Everybody loved the hair blown-out. I preferred the cornrows. There's a certain artistry and attractiveness to the rows that Filipino kids in Newark and the Japanese seem to really appreciate. Hair used to mean something once... the longer it was the greater the dissent. Now it's empty pop culture. But for Moochie, it signified a subconcscious defiance. For a player who dealt with self-esteem issues through much of his career, it meant finally coming to terms with who he was--if only for a moment.

2.) The clutch: Moochie came through with game winners on more than a few occasions in his first run with the Rockets and often found himself finishing out most games in a three guard line-up with Francis and Mobley.

3.) The knee highs: As much a part of the Moochie style as the hair. Also very influential to the Japanese.

4.) The funny face: Really the all fan favorites, Mooch was a quirky guy. A man of many faces--Rudy T. thought he looked like Artis Gilmore. Moochie was not what you would call restrained emotionally. Rudy let all the Moochie style and mannerisms slide as long as he came through. He never asked Mooch to tone it down and Moochie gave him a solid backup PG from '00 to '02, putting up the best stats of his career.

5.) The playground game: Anyone who's ever come down to Houston to play the summer league at Fonde knows Moochie runs the joint. Unstoppable.

6.) The crossover: Steve Francis copped it. Moochie's head fake and cross was one of the slickest moves we've ever seen in person.

We'll miss you Moochie. We thought you would retire here. Somebody even did a song in your honor (dubious but certainly terrifying). At least you'll get some run in Okie until Speedy returns. And there's always a chance you'll get traded back.

All Star Countdown: Less than 34 Hours...
All Star Weekend Preview by Train (Part III)

Train's back to drop a load on us... our one and only NBA All-Star correspondent in Houston returns for the final installment of his All-Star Preview a la Gonzo...

Predictions! A few different scenarios...

i.) Kobe will try so hard to win MVP that he will alienate all his fans... (He already did that in 2002) if Kobe wins MVP he will have amassed 123 points, breaking the record in the one game that really means nothing, adding 16 reb and 1 ast that was really an errant floater taken as an alley-oop by Tracy McGrady...


ii.) LeBron will take MVP by racking up a triple double, 22 pts, 12 rebs, and a statistically impossible 100 assists by setting up both teams... and as always, he'll make it easy. You'd have to count the TOs as ASTs then, right?


iii.) In the best possible scenario that Yao wins MVP (we considered many)... he will choose the All-Star game to reveal the beast within. Shaq will dunk on Yao and proceed wobbling down the court in his special way like Special Olympics on Broadway, leaving Yao in a pile of cameramen. Yao will emerge from the pile of humans, leaping, but suddenly hairy and with fangs, like Teen Wolf. And then he will take over the game, throwing behind the back passes and dunking from half-court apparently repeatedly on a loop, from different camera angles, but obviously the same plays over and over... and nobody will think its strange at all. It will be quite the opposite. Fans will swarm him after the game for his crazy antics and invite him to the school dance.

Josh Smith will win the dunk contest when he dunks Nate Robinson. Skills Challenge = Nash. Rookie Sophomore = TJ. (We love TJ!) 3pt Shootout... no contest. Nobody beats the Jesus.

Yea, but you know Q won the shootout last year, right? In what was perhaps the ugliest display of shooting I'd seen until "Black Jack" Ryan embarassed the field by at least double the points in ESPN2's City Slam Shootout last summer. Watching New York "streetball legends" shoot was like watching Chris Rock act. You think want him to be good... you think he should be good. But instead, he gives you the wrong kind of goosebumps.

I don't know what you're talking about but okay. -- T

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Bullets in the Head: Ligety Wins, Rockets Win!

Ligety, Ligety, Ligety... Rockets smack the Clips. Losing Chris Wilcox must have been devastating for L.A--heh. His 4.5 points and 3.6 rebs a game was--hee--integral to the Clips' formula for success, but what they really--hee--must miss is losing his locker room presence... henh, heh, hah haha... HAHAHAHAAaaaa... I can't even say it with a straight face. But to his credit, or college credit, this is a guy I thought the Rockets should have traded down for instead of Yao Ming. It was him or Carlos Boozer. It could have worked.

The Clips adding Vlade Rad is HUGE. Put him next to Mobley and Cassell on the perimeter and you can't double Brand anymore. Vlad is the piece that gets them to Western Quarters--mahk my wohds.

Hakeem Olajuwon is returning to Schizopolis! To be honored as "honorary mayor of sorts" but isn't even sure of that.

The Rockets Power Dancers are reading our blog... we can only assume because like us they have All-Star Weekend coverage on A Blog of Their Own... you see, because they must have gotten the idea from us. Davique is RPD of the week. Is she "livin' it?" We think she is. Nice gams.