Monday, April 30, 2007

The Playoff Hustle: Happy Trails... 2nd Best Center in the League (Arguably)

I know I'm not the only one who picked Chicago to win. I had the not-so-Baby Bulls in six. But after Game 3, I knew they were sweeping the Heat, which was no small feat given the 50-some-odd seasons of veteran pride sitting on that bench. So... I guess this means Shaq's coming back next mid-season?

We are also happy that Los Angeles is down 3-1. Happy because our friend Justin is sad.

Rockets-Jazz series is tied 2-2. We're not talking about this. Except that Duke spent the 2nd half of Game 4 winning five bucks at the pool table at Barfly. Somewhere the integral need for complete focus on the game was forgotten. My concentration was certainly shaken if for but shock itself that even the most die-hard of fans--which Duke once was--has no commitment to the Rockets winning this series.

Sunday, April 29, 2007

Rockets Playoff Musings by Train: I Don't Have Much to Say About That

"Goddamn! Son of a bitch! Shit!!" ~ Nobody has ever said it better than Mr. Cheng.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

The Globetrotter Line

Rockets (-5), [O/U 179]. -- Train

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

The Playoff Hustle: Making Grown Men Cry Since 1994...

Well, after all that business with Andrei Kirilenko crying on the bench over PT--and Charles Barkley having to get cut off to commercial break as TNT producers anticipated a violent eruption upon hearing his about it and still twitching after coming back from commercial break--Utah coach, Jerry Sloan gave him another chance in Game 2. I don't think we'll be seeing much of AK-47 in this series anymore... and shhh, that's the way we want it. Jazz blogs, Retire Sloan and Harpring Sucks channelling Retire Sloan (blogs we actually like in that they hate exactly these elements of Jazz-ness even more than we do), blame Sloan. Big up to Henry at True Hoop for the link.

Don't know why the Jazz let Williams play after Shane Battier Brian Dawkins'd his ass last night. Kid's gotta have a concussion. Rockets up 2-0. Next game in Utah, Thursday (4/26) 9:00pm EST. No fucking around, T-Mac.

Rockets Playoff Musings by Train

For the past couple of days I've been waking up at 6:30 in the morning. Thats about three hours earlier than when I need to wake up. No alarm. No loud banging from upstairs. No smell of fresh dog shit blowing in through the window. Just waking up...and feeling refreshed. I drink my morning coffee and Head to work. I've been taking the longer walk to the B train cause the weather is just so damn nice. The birds seem to be singing their wonderful song just for me. People that pass me by smile and say good morning and I politely nod my head and flash that sexy smile of mine right back at 'em. I feel like I'm in love and yet I don't have a girlfriend and I haven't had sex....for quite some time (we'll leave it at that). Something is definitely in the air and I can't quite put my finger on it....oh wait, thats it. Rockets are up 2-0. I just wiped a single tear off my face. We're Heading to Utah. -- Train

Monday, April 23, 2007

The Playoff Hustle: You're Goddamn Right!

The two teams we hate most in this league (if you don't know which, you're not a Rockets fan.. and that's okay) both just lost home-court advantage. And the Rockets won Saturday. Are we high as a kite?! You're goddamn right. Eat it Basa.

Oh, and Timmy's hanging his head already... does that look like an asterisk free winner to you? Sure, looks aren't everything but ask me if I want Duncan or Nowitzki at the line to tie the game with 0.1 left and I'll give you ellipses... -- R.H.

Rockets v. Jazz, Game 2, 9:30 EST

Sunday, April 22, 2007

The Playoff Hustle: Return of the Mac

After a rough 0-6 start from the field, we never lost faith. After 1 point in the first-half we didn't lose faith... and we were rewarded. T-Mac played as big in the second half as he looks randomly holding that mini-ball. Huge. And Yao was solid, tipping the free throw line 12-14. But we think that's what Yao's gonna pull night in vs. Utah.

The difference will be T-Mac... as I stated in The Basketball Jones Playoff Preview podcast... if you happened to catch it. Duke called the line. More antics from Game 1... like the Jazz "defense" on Yao.

In a not so stunning upset--Duke actually picked New Jersey in this series--the Nets beat the Raps in Game 1 of their series... and not because of Vince Carter. Which should offer some consolation to Raptors fans. Of all the first round series' this one has the biggest potential for upset (sorry, Basketball Jones).

I for one believe, however, that Bosh will have to prove he's a big game hunter--is that right?--and carry the Raps to the next round. This is his chance. They need Bosh like lil' Carole Anne needs Tangina Barrons if they're gonna vanquish the ghoul of Vince Carter. Make this house clean! -- R.H.

Detroit beat Orlando... who cares? Chicago beat Miami... head slap!

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Duke's Line of the Night

Rockets will win by at least 7.

The Playoff Hustle: Globetrotter Predictions

Duke Hogwild aloneconformist Train
Round 1






Season Awards
MVP - Dirk
MIP - D. Williams
COY - J. Sloan
6Man - Barbosa
DEF - Camby
ROY - B. Roy
MVP - Dirk
MIP - K. Martin
COY - S. Mitchell
6Man - Barbosa
DEF - Who cares?
ROY - B. Roy

Who We'd Choose
MVP - T-Mac
MIP - J.R. Smith
6Man - Head
DEF - J. Smith
ROY - B. Roy
MVP - Nashy
MIP - M. Ellis
6Man - Barbosa
DEF - Don't matter


ROUND 1 is the most important round for my predictions. rockets, phoenix, detroit, & cleveland are easy picks. the heat & nets are arguable picks... it's the nuggets & the warriors that cause the nay sayers to doubt me.

you may think it has nothing to do with denver & golden state and everything to do with the fact that i'm anti spur & maverick..well you're partly correct, but i would never make a crazy prediction without a little validity.

golden state finally has the team they've been trying to get on the floor all year. they're 9-1 heading into the playoffs with this line up. they've been lights out.

their confidence started with a victory
that ended the mavericks 17 game winning streak. baron davis, jason richardson, monta ellis, stephen jackson, & al harrington make up the most unique starting line up in the league. they all hit from beyond the arc, and can all guard dirky monta speaks german shizer talk. they're inspired, in shape, and have NOTHING to lose..not to mention they're coached by the one guy that knows the mavs secrets..

denver isn't as deep as the spurs, but the A.I. factor negates the spurs depth. he fears nothing, has the experience, and is as clutch as they come..nene & camby are healthy, which gives the nuggets two options to throw at duncan. melo will balance out manu & bowen's involvement, and j.r. smith's three's will be the cherry in game 6.

rockets over golden state in 6
suns over nuggets in 6
heat over pistons in 7
cavs over nets in 6

the only series i'm iffy about is the heat pistons matchup. i give it to miami only for what dwyane wade did last year. he deserves that much from me.

rockets over suns in 6
heat over cavs in 6

at this point in the playoffs t-mac & yao will be within the legendary duo zone. phoenix will lose yet again in the conference finals..

luther head will become the new alltime 3 point makes leader in a playoff series.

the flash vs king james. this is what kids across the world have been waiting for there whole lives. this will be one of the greatest duals in nba history, but miami's experience will out weigh lebron's 34.3 pts, 8.7 ass, & 9.2 rebs.

rockets over heat in 6

i love d.wade, but thou shall not betray the mac. yao puts the nail in shaq's coffin & people across the world will be loving head. -- D.H.

Friday, April 20, 2007

Rockets in the Head: More Head to Love

Ah, our last Rockets in the Head post for NBA '06-'07... we did so few. We'll now be shifting our focus to the Playoff Hustle--which is no longer Rocket-less in '07. I just wish we didn't have to wait 82 games till now. I'm tired.

**Update** My little guest spot on The Basketball Jones Playoff Preview podcast drops Saturday morning. Rockets in six!

Appropriately, our last Rockets in the Head for this season will be used to announce the official launch of the I Love (Luther) Head Fan Club website. Just in time for the playoffs!

He's our favorite Mr. semi-Clutch. How can you not love that doe-eyed face? We all love Head... every Rocket fan from here to Beijing. It's time to express our love with screen-printed t-shirts and various other fashionable apparel at reasonable prices all proudly pasted with custom pronouncements of our great love of Head. Get some. -- R.H.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

We are the Champions... My Friends

Me and Duke... the black vagin--er, never mind... it was me and Duke in our fantasy basketball championship and my Team Zissou narrowly escaped his BRUSHFIREMUDSLIDE to be named World Champeen of the train league. My MVP... no other than Kobe "50-50" Bryant. Carlos Boozer--the steal of every season--is a close second.

After dominating the entire week 7-2, Duke came storming back in the final day to tie it up. Zissou won on point differential. Train was somewhere in the consolation bracket... we winners don't really click that link. So, that was cool... now what? Oh yeah, the NBA playoffs.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Thank You America!

The Save Clyde Campaign... from Himself

We were starting to think there was only gonna be one way Clyde Drexler was gonna get eliminated from Dancing with the Stars Season 3 and that was if he was pitted against Heather Mills. No one's voting off a woman with a prosthetic leg. Sure enough, Clyde and Mills were the bottom two last night and Clyde couldn't muster the votes.

Clyde, though, was all class after getting the boot, really living up to that fabled rep as a class act. But we'll leave the commentary to our favorite new Dancing with the Stars analyst.

So the campaign was short-lived... now that it's all over I almost wish it wasn't. Almost. We'll miss Elena. Problem is, we're actually somewhat invested in the show now. It's all about the dancers... ordinary celebrities, in their ever diminishing capacity as icons of grace and beauty, do nothing for us now.

Julianne Hough's booty shake last night was a religious experience.

We're hoping Cliff Clavin lasts a little longer, Edyta is the Polska prawda. And her website has some boudoir photos... which have been clicked mightily. So we're not the only ones.

Monday, April 16, 2007

We're Bonafide... Again; Jones Here We Come

The Basketball Jones has invited us--or at least they've invited Ren, who's been too busy with Fastbreak and his Yao Central to pay adequate attention to us--onto their podcast to pontificate on the Houston Rockets first-round playoff matchup with the Utah Jazz.

It's the best NBA podcast on the Internet, and consequently, the only one we listen to (or is that the other way around?). But why do we really love the Basketball Jones? The music. It's the music. Whoa boy!

We've got a disease and the only cure is more Whoa Boy! Listen to the podcast, you'll see. No release date yet, but we'll post it as soon as.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Rockets in the Head: We're No. 2! Rockets No. 4!

After just missing the Final Four last year, the Houston Rockets Power Dancers have dropped Seattle and Denver consecutively to reach the NBA Dance Team Bracket Finals where they will face the Auerbach Celtics of dance teams... the mighty Miami Heat Dancers.

We would've had coverage of this sooner but we felt like we jinxed the RPD last year with our *ahem* in-depth coverage and subsequent Battle of the Tokens. The Power Dancers tried classy while the Seattle Sonic Boom Boom went and ho'd it out. Seattle won. But the Rockets saw their mistake and like many a tart pop star, went ho for themselves this year. Result.

So, here they are... on the brink of a fantastic moral victory... as the RPD has gone back to classy 'cause even they seem to know this Final is little more than a formality. Nobody can out-ho Miami. But ho, er, hey, you can vote anyway.

Yes, we are hoping our rampant use of the word "ho" will get us a piece of this Imus media circus.

Former Rockets coach, Rudy Tomjanovich, used to say "never underestimate the heart of a champion" during Houston's back-to-back title run in the mid-90s. We say never underestimate how bad your rivals can choke on their own. That's right... quote it. Houston is somehow the 4th seed.

After dropping three straight to Utah, Golden State and Portland last week, the Utah Jazz couldn't pull away going only 1-4 during that stretch. A loss last night to the Warriors and two-straight Ws by the Rockets since then has Houston a half-game up. For now.

The Save Clyde Campaign... from Himself

Please... don't encourage him. The NBA has seen fit to give Clyde a blog, ostensibly detailing his experience on Dancing With the Stars. Which, you know, they gave Gilbert Arenas a blog, so trainwrecks aren't necessarily beyond the Association, as endearing as they might be. But it's just that Clyde is really starting to believe he's getting better.

Don't make Clyde the new Sanjaya when the old Sanjaya is still around. Please, we implore you, loyal fans of Phi Slamma Jamma, the Portland Trailblazers circa '83-'93 and the '94-'95 Houston Rockets' World Championship team, let's not concede that if Jordan and Barkley can have gambling then Clyde can have the jive.

Please, make this stop.

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Getting Beaten with One Arm... Literally

Another productive trip into the YouTube depths... this is Vijay Patel or better known to himself as The Wizzard, from Montreal. This kid plays basketball with only one arm... because he has to. Granted, it's just rec. league footage and some of it co-ed, but if you can get past the interspersed inspirational mantra and adolescent angst, it's pretty impressive. Five years in Brooklyn and he'll be legendary...

The Wizzard's put everything a high school youth can think of in his vid description. We found him on a "drunk bitch fights" search. Go figure. We'll file him under our favorite Shaw Brothers flick.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Somebody Please... Make This Stop

What kind of America are we living in when a Shandi Finnessey is the second to get the boot from a prime-time reality show?

When that reality show is Dancing with the Stars and why? Because there's not a straight man in America watching it and everyone else hates the 6' blonde beauty queen. And again, Clyde will get to see if he can't look more awkward on national television. Shandi should have stayed on at least as long as Antonella Barba for whatever she was doing on American Idol. If nothing else, for sporting the always classy bare mid-riff... we DO NOT want Clyde or John Ratzenberger baring anything, let alone any riff. But what can we do about it? Oh yea, not vote for Clyde. If you have any love for the man... please.

Monday, April 02, 2007

Yao Just Got Pwned

Got this off the MMORPG wire... that's geek talk for something. And who are we kidding, we know exactly what it means. We also knew Yao is a WoW-head, but it's all he seems to want to talk about nowadays despite the apparently dead serious reporters.

According to this source, and our fairly poor command of Mandarin, this video is 100% authentic.