Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Rockets Bullets in the Head

Yao's back! Memphis welcomes him with a L. Yao's line: 15 pts 8 rebs 1 ast 1 blk in 31 min.

Carrie B. is Rockets Power Dancer of the Week. Damn, you can dance with those things?

Carrie “picked international business as [her] major because learning about how every country is interrelated is very important as globalization increases within our society.” But of course that's your contention. You just finished some Marxian historian, Pete Garrison probably, and so naturally that's what you believe until next month when you get to James Lemon and get convinced that Virginia and Pennsylvania were strongly capitalist back in 1740. That'll last until sometime in your second year, then you'll be in here regurgitating Gordon Wood about the pre-revolutionary utopia and the capital-forming effects of military mobilization. How do you like them apples?

"John" goes Nasdaq on the Rockets in Club Yao.

ESPN reports that T-Mac outsells Yao in China.

Monday, January 30, 2006

Lunar Fists of Fury

Paul Shirley and the Beijing Aoshen defeat Game and the Inglewood Cobras to ring in the New Year. With no boxscore online it's impossible to find out how many points Shirley dropped on Game. Beijing improves to 11-8 in the American Basketball Association. Inglewood, however, is unranked... whatever that means.

Our boy, Sun Yue, has been selected to the 2006 ABA All-Star team.

Via the fan forum Club Yao, we finally penetrated the ESPN Insider wall and found Shirl's entries on playing for Aoshen. Interesting why Aoshen ended up in Cali.

Saturday, January 28, 2006

What the F*ck, Dude?

While other recently re-gifted NBAers like Artest and Siz-zurb put on modest performances with their new teams, Ricky "Get Buckets" Davis had to go off.

What the fuck, dude?

Chill, son... ease into your new team. No one likes a show-off. Didn't anyone tell you the Rockets were working on a win streak? Houston has all these exaggerated expecations to still try and live up to. The 'Wolves... the 'Wolves are packin it in, dukes. Be easy...

We know you reintroduced facial hair as fashion (the way Moochie Norris and Benny Wallace did afros), you even inspired one of the greatest basketball blogs we've ever seen... we know you liked Boston. But stop taking your frustrations out on innocent people. Search within for the root of your troubles--or Danny Ainge. Face it, he never liked you.

T-Mac figured if it works for Rip, it works for T-Mac. The L sullies an otherwise decent night for the Stro'-Hayes-Baxter PForward by commision. The Hammer has hustled his way out of the rotation.

Photos by AP, except naked Ricky.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

I Got Your Back, Cuz

The return of T-Mac and the Houston Rockets' 3-1 record upon said return continues to reassert our proposed value of McGrady and mounting evidence of Mac's Inverse Power Relationship (IPR) with cousin Vince Carter McGrady who, slowed by an ailing back, has totalled just 8 points in his last two appearances.

Artistic rendering of how IPR would look were it visible to the human eye.

Houston finally wins at home against Bobcats practice squad.

Rant Charlotte looks on the bright side of life before the trouncing (we thought Nelly was from St. Louis). And staying with the theme of cousins, they've issued a challenge to ours.

Roundball Review says Mac actually doesn't have his cousin's back.

Down With the Kings

Queensbridge native, and asphalt son, Ron-Ron the "True Warier" was traded to the Kings earlier tonight. But Hollis is just off the E line, express to Sutphin Blvd. and a dollar van down Jamaica Blvd. from there. Easy. Oh, the Sacramento Kings... fuck it, you figure it out.

I never really knew how big a dude Ron-Ron really was until a few nights ago, I saw a cable access channel in Brooklyn running some home video footage of the Queensbridge Summer League. Ron-Ron made a guest appearance with, of course, Queensbridge. He looked like an ogre fucking around with a bunch of little hobbits--and he spent most of the game jogging up and down the court indifferently, shrugging off fly-like defenders (who we assume were full grown men), with onlookers re-marking the court boundaries with their creeping feet, collapsing the space as the game got tighter.

It was a discovery akin to seeing Anthony Mason at the FIT summer run having to turn sideways to get into the gym... through double doors. Mindfuck.

Despite Ron-Ron's sudden freedom, TruWarier.com is still offering Free Ron Artest t-shirts. They'll probably keep the screen around.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Rockets Nation

Rockets.com Fans on Location
Proving yet again that Rockets fans are dorks

Andrew is 7' 6" and from Canada. He likes the Rockets and making ridiculous mu-mu's.

Chris from Houston, TX just got his new haircut and "livin' it" in his bedroom. (actual caption)

Jean Jacques, also from Canada, is more of a, uh... T-Mac "fan"... these jerseys were dug out of post-game hampers and smuggled across the border in his stomach as Canadians are allowed only Nash jerseys (but only from Phoenix, that's right Dallas, you know what you did).

Hey Cavo... is that? ...Is it? It can't be, can it? ...I think it is... isn't it? Casual baby strikes back sans moustache.

Clutch the Bear Issues Press Release, Will Not Be Leaving Rockets For Greener Pastures

Clutch "The Rockets Bear," as if that needed to be clarified or made any sense, has issued a new press release. Though he is not leaving the 14-26 Rockets to test the free-agent market, he has been chillin' the fuck out. Sounds like he's even got a little something going on with "the Manager" of the Rockets Power Dancers.

There's a statue of the man in a bear suit at Memorial Hermann's new outdoor basketball court.

P.S. For those of you with a Clutch decoder ring here is your secret message. 5-3-16-16-25 13-18-1-14-5-4-3-25 14-7 9-8

Can you believe this dude has been to the Great Wall and we haven't?

Monday, January 23, 2006

Greatest Show on Earth?

Last night--inspired by a particularly compelling week of basketball in which Tracy McGrady returned to the Rockets lineup and displayed his usual fourth quarter theatrics, Lebron reasserted his manhood against the Jazz, and Kobe dropped 51 against the Kings--I was in the process of remixing this photo for an entry which I had planned to pose the question: which individual player is the most exhilirating to watch in the NBA?

T-Mac is a no-brainer for us as to inclusion in this question... an inhuman performer in the clutch (which we here put a premium on)--yea, we know he hasn't gotten out of the first round... yet... Lebron, too, despite his recent haplessness in the clutch, for his playmaking skills, unselfishness and equally inhuman ability to fly and maim rims. Kobe, on the other hand...

I've never liked Kobe... all of us at Globetrotter have never liked Kobe. We laughed when he was booed in Philly and laughed when an ESPN SportsNation poll revealed that even after Kobe's 62 earlier this year, 49 states to 1 voted that they like Allen Iverson better. Any guess which state 1 was?

But we have respected his game. Even after we laughed at him air-balling crunch time shots in the playoffs his rookie year, we knew he could play. And taken by an entry from FreeDarko.com, I included Kobe in the question.

And I almost finished the post, too. I had strengths and weaknesses for all the candidates mapped out. I even had honorable mentions (Steve Nash, VC, D. Wade). Then Duke calls me me during Kobe's road to 81. He says only, "Kobe's got 50 in the third," and hangs up. I couldn't watch it because I've sort of moved in with my girlfriend and NBA Ticket is at Duke's place, but I kept watching Sportscenter and they kept updating not the score, but Kobe's point total.

Kobe effectively shat on my question while he shat on the Raptors, too.

Now I'm still pretty sure that if I ever met Kobe Bryant, or had to play on his team, even a pick-up game or charity event, I probably wouldn't like him (but to be fair, I'm fairly certain I wouldn't have liked Jordan either). Some still think Bryant is a rapist--I personally don't, but he's a cheater nonetheless. The chip on his shoulder was enough to separate the thing, and it seems to be tiring everyone but him. So, 81 notwithstanding, I'll probably never be sold on the man... but damn if I ever say he can't play.

The Association was there.

Detroit Bad Boys tries to downplay it and T-Mac, too.

J.E. Skeets has an open letter from a bitter Luke Ridnour.

Yay!basketball takes it all back then gives it to Ray Allen.

But Manute's Webb keeps it coming.

True Hoop dissents in the comments.

So is that it? Is Kobe the best in the world right now? Has he locked MVP before the All-Star Break?

Friday, January 20, 2006

When the West is Calling... Send Your Mediocre

Former CBA (Chinese Basketball Association) underachievers Beijing Aoshen have been playing in the ABA... how did we not hear about this? After starting off with a 10-3 record, Aoshen has dropped three straight in four days due to culturally-biased "fatigue."

Aoshen does field an NBA prospect though, in 21-year-old point guard Sun Yue (206-G-85)--I'm not sure exactly what that is in American but it roughly translates too... 6' 9"?!? damn! word? really?--anyway, he's projected by some NBA scouts to be a second round pick in next year's draft. But not by NBAdraft.net.

Who knew Sun could manage all that and double as China's "Most Popular Female" pop star?

And finally, the one and only Paul Shirley has joined the team. That's right, the "My So Called Career" Paul Shirley is running with Beijing Aoshen... you couldn't write it in a movie because it would be ridiculous... and it is. I would tap into Shirl's blog to see if Sun Yue's the real deal but it's one of those fucking ESPN Insider things. Somebody holler at me.

Rockets' Fists of Furious Futility

More from elsewhere...

Yay!basketball is looking for Stevie, too. We dreamt their entry last night and swear Dido's Roswell theme was running through our head all morning. So we chant Di-do! Di-do! Di-do! for Stevie, too. We think the reunification of Steve and Cuttino needs a comic.

NBADraft.net has already set up a mock draft, and they have the Rockets at no. 3 taking Italian Andrea Barnagni from Benetton Treviso. Who the fuck--dude looks like an extra from The O.C... How 'bout we don't fuck this one up and throw a few games to get Rudy Gay. T-Mac needs a Scottie. Did anyone else know AND1 sponsors Benetton Treviso?

Houston's Clear Thinkers have been attributing the Rockets' woes to bad management for some time now. Now they've reached the twilight.

John P. Lopez of the Chronicle gives Skip the thumbs-up for true point guard status and Stro' the thumbs down for... whatever it was he was supposed to be.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Stephanie Has What You Want...

From idle hands and the unadulterated debacle the Rockets season has become, Rockets.com has decided to occupy itself with a weekly feature on a Rockets Power Dancer of choice--sign that even the website is calling it a year?

This is Stephanie. Stephanie gently caresses her ornaments before attaching them to the tree. Stephanie likes to dress upscale, but with a little bit of that gentleman's club stretch fabric flair. You want this ornament don't you, naughty boy... this big, round ornament... you want it but you can't have it.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Tropical Fists of Fury: DJ in DR

To the camera man: pan left, bro. How do you cut off the bikini girl on the left? From the 45% of her we can see, she looks foine! You blew it.

DJ gets the star treatment even in Punta Cana. We figure it broke down (a la J.E. Skeets) a little like this:

Janisa: Ooh, Rosie, mira... mira... look, Rosie! Isn't that that cute chino from MTV2's Nike Battlegrounds: King of the Court con mi esposo Lebron James?
Rosie: Aye, mami, it is... who's dat he's wit? They don't look like no basketball players."
Janisa: They prolly his managers or sumthin'... you should go get your picture taken wit him.
Rosie: Only if you come, too. He might not like Morenas.
Janisa: Bitch, we from the Bronx! We gittin' our picture wit chino!

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

New BPR is Up, Rockets Down

Way down. We had 'em ranked at 28... before they lost to Atlanta. Sheesh.

Monday, January 16, 2006

Galveston Native Second to Bigger, Better Houston Native

Contrary to popular opinion, DJ was not the first NBA player to endorse Chinese athletic apparel. All right, he's the first active player.

Former Rocket Clyde "The Glide" was the first, signing a two-year deal to be the spokesperson for Fujian's Athletic shoes last year--pardon the translation and non-facts from the source.

We had a story planned, but then, Drexler didn't seem like such an odd fit. You only need refer to earlier campaigns.

Friday, January 13, 2006

Rockets' Fists of Furious Futility

Dikembe Mutombo makes a J. E. Skeets midseason Top Ten list, er, Top Seven.

Someone in Shanghai swears he's Tracy McGrady.

Cavo @ Yayo! Basketball sums it up for all the True Believers out there... we wish we'd thought of this first. Or at least lied and claimed we thought of it first but didn't have the resources to go through with it... but we didn't.

Oddjack links T-Mac's ails to cousin VC, but only hints at their perpetually inversed power relationship.

Upon further research, we've concluded that it is only natural that one cousin performing at peak levels will inevitably drain the health of the other. One family can have only so much power.

And Peter Kerasotis (who we've never heard of either) rubs it in.

Lastly, former Rocket, Stevie Franchise gets the "indefinite" treatment... suspension that is, and at least one blog thinks Houston got the good end of that deal, but he's out of his gourd if he thinks the 76ers will work a trade for him and field Iverson, Webber and Francis.

Deke can't pick Sisue up either.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Rockets Owner Desperate, Suits Out Young

The DDR shows up, gets a personalized Rockets jersey, doesn't play.

In a misquided but good-hearted (in that senile old man kind of way) attempt to field a competitive roster versus Sacramento last night, Rockets owner Leslie Alexander issued Vince Young a personalized Houston jersey before tipoff. Alexander would spend the rest of the evening alone in his luxury box, baffled at why Van Gundy refused to play the Dance Dance Revolutionary.

Attending the game but not asked to play: Percy "Master P" Miller and Anthony Goldwire.

No more Globetrotter commentary until the Rockets win or unless they sign Spree. Just links.

Van Gundy: "We do just enough good to lose close."

Rockets lose to Queens 88-80.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Latrell Sprewell is Still Not in a Rockets Uniform (Day 48)

Latrell Fontaine Sprewell (born September 8, 1970 in Milwaukee, Wisconsin) is an American professional basketball player. A guard/forward who built his career around his athleticism and versatility, he is currently a free agent.

No Yao, no Mac, but no sign from management that the year is lost...

Big Shot Lou and Big Shot Luke

Our favorite rookie, Luther, is displaying a penchant for making big shots. But Mac-less and Yao-less, it wasn't enough to pull out a good one in Charlotte.

Little John Lucas III (yayuh!) hit a big one, too. Which was a surprise considering we thought he was cut--apparently a move to re-sign without having to guarantee his contract.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Rockets Too Heavy a Load For Mac's Back

It's an obvious analogy. We're surprised more people haven't used it. Too easy? The Rockets have been living (and dying) on Mac's back all year and last night... it gave out.

Mac don't look too good, but we all hope it looks worse than it is.

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Charles Barkley Loves This Town

Houston. Houston is the most schizophrenic city in the nation. Nuzzling the bottom of the bible belt, it houses the earth's largest non-denominational church and it's Charles Barkley's "strip club capital of the world." H-Town has more strip clubs AND churches per capita than any other major U.S. city. We don't have the numbers on that but it sure feels that way. Not that we'd mind either individually--though the churches are a bit much and if we had daughters, we'd have to take that whole Chris Rock "keep my daughter of the pole" mantra to the next level.

But does anyone outside of Houston know what happened to the Compaq Center (or The Summit as we slightly older ones knew it--was there a better arena name than that?), former home to the Rockets, Comets, Aeros, Hotshots and Thunderbears?

It's the new Lakewood Mega Church -- all 16,285 seats.

And of course, no more than 6 minutes and 3.5 miles away is Houston's largest nudie bar, Treasures, which boasts over a 150 girls working on a busy night. And no more than 2 miles and 5 minutes away is H-town's "classiest" strip joint, The Men's Club, where you'll see all your favorite pro athletes. Train reports former Rockets, Stevie Franchise and Cuttino Mobley, used to frequent the free lunch time buffet. And, fittingly, the website loops choral music.

So how does this explain the Rockets' record or their habitually sluggish starts at home We think we know, but we're not quite sure, and maybe we really don't want to know. But it sucks.

Friday, January 06, 2006

Houston Rockets Stat of the New Year

Mac and Co. are 3-9 at home. 9-9 on the road.

Late Great BPR

We were too late to put in our two cents this week. Our fault entirely. We believe that our subconscious warded us away from our e-mail to obviate the humiliation of dropping the Rockets in ranking. So we left that to our good colleagues. And drop them you have.

And hey Cavo, not to rub it in, because we know you would never rub one on your site, but where should the Rockets rank now after last night in Cleveland?

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Local Kid Makes Good, Gets Cut

Little John Lucas, III (yayuh!)... local kid, Bellaire High (like Emeka Okafor)... cut just as soon as he got signed.

Come on Les, give the kid a shot.

Vince Young: Dance Dance Revolution

We don't really do college football, but the Pride of Madison High deserves an entry on every sports blog today. And he'll probably get it. Not that we college football dilettantes could really appreciate it, but that was the illest National Championship game ever.

And fittingly, the Longhorns celebrated with a hoedown, all huddling up in the corner of the endzone, helmets held high, bouncing and chanting--not their school fight song or anything lame like that--but that techno dance song you can only find now in Euro-trash dives. You know, the one with the chorus, "Dance! Dance! Dance! Dance!" Wait, that's kind of lame, too. But is it ironic? Kids, you never can tell.

Vince Young, though, never stopped dancing (The Dallas Morning News has continuous coverage here, here and here). He danced on the bus, he danced during warm-ups, he danced on the sidelines, danced on the field, and he danced, danced, danced on the podium when UT was presented the National Championship Glass Football Thingy.

And just so we're not completely off topic, Vincent Paul Young, Jr. was a four-year letterman and two-time all-district guard/forward for the Marlins of Madison High with a career average of 20+ ppg. At 6' 5" 230, what'd you expect?

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Fast Eddie and the Jump Shot Club

Holy shit. Former Rocket "Fast Eddie" Johnson has a blog and like the jumpshot... it's good. Visit and improve your skillz. Just don't argue with him.

Monday, January 02, 2006

Globetrotter Resolutions

Strongly consider redirecting my career toward young adult sci-fi/fantasy novels.
-- aloneconformist

Start waking up before 1:00p, stop staring at myself in the mirror, start working on a six-pack before working on six-packs, stop spending entire days watching The O.C. DVD boxsets. Oh, and travel more.
-- Train

Eat more vegetables. Tame Mr. Sassy (my alter-ego).
-- Soy Sauce (aka A-train, aka Too Saxsy, aka Mini-Me, aka Mr. Sassy)

Start an aloneconformist fan club.
-- Duke Hogwild

Sunday, January 01, 2006

Warriors Ruin New Year's...

The brothers Train with Duke sporting the Vernon Maxwell throwback.

Waiting in front of the Toyota Center, L-Train shakes and blurs his limited edition Head jersey... limited as in the only one.

From ball boy to bench warmer. Little John Lucas III (yayuh!) signed with the Rockets. He's littler than Van Gundy, but Jeffy put him in during a late 4th quarter comeback, eschewing Moochie Norris. Lil' John was received by cheers for a local kid made good.

Stro' puts on another good one, extending his preview. If he can get Van Gundy's system down and maintain some consistency... well, we'll see. (AP photo/Pat Sullivan)

In one of those things you only notice at the game deals, the Rockets' PA kept looping Lil John's yayuh! and okay! intermittenly throughout the game with no real rhyme or reason.

Also, Rafer Alston returned to the lineup, logging 36 minutes. And everytime Skip scored, the announcer T. Gray (who also happens to be a DJ at a local hip hop station) played a chorus of children singing "Skip to my Lou."

What they could have gone without is the Scorpions' "Rock you like a Hurricane." Nothing beats Queen's rock you.

Is it just us or does any else notice Baron Davis is a bit of an odd duck? In a peculiar, Gilbert Arenas type of way.

Rockets lose another at home but Mac makes it interesting.