Saturday, December 30, 2006

Rockets in the Head: T-Mac Activates Evolution

Apparently T-Mac has activated his evolution in order to acquire the power of transference. Just as Mac starts playing, Bonzi sits out with lower back pain... is you is or is you ain't reminded of somethin' or other? Cousin?

According to the, Van Gundy
just wants T-Mac to have fun out on the hardwood. 31 points in 28 minutes. 26 in the first half. We like that kind of fun, too. We want more of that fun.

You decipher whether Yao's ice cream quote (which actually put in its own story in addition to including it in the story above) is really a thinly-veiled rib from Yao to his parents.

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Yao Ming All-American

We can't believe we missed this. Unfortunately, the timing of this post (after Yao's broken knee) diminishes the implications of the video below, but if there were any questions left about Yao's... apparently newfound "competitive fire," simply click little play button below.

That's right... try to f*cking stop him. The kid even gets the sneer right. That condedscending glare. Scary. Crazy American cowboy scary. Unfortunately, someone found a way to stop him. Break his damn leg.

Gotta give it up to Houston Rockets News for catching this on the giddy-up. Apparently it was the most watched video on YouTube for a few days. Which only baffles us more, 'cause if we're not watching ESPN, we're watching YouTube.

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Rockets in the Head: Oh, Dear God... No

Well, Santa really did decide to leave some Christmas poo under the tree. Only there's no pony in sight. Ask Fran Blinebury at what that means.

Yao, down and out. And it sure didn't look pretty. Freak of nature breaks this one and the one last year--and Van Gundy agrees with the bad "breaks" (his unintended pun, not ours). So what now? Can the Rockets hold on for six weeks? Can T-Mac work his way back into the lineup? These answers and more intrigue to come in Houston's newest recurring sports opera,
The Rockets of Our Lives.

From Yao Central...

Just when the roadtrip seemed like a wash...

Yao and the Rockets "gave that rear a good thrashing." That italic was an editor's amendment.

Clippers in town tonight 19:30 CT.

Friday, December 22, 2006

Richard Basa is Still a Spurs Fan

Globetrotter friend and fellow Houston native, Richard Basa, is a Spurs fan. Eat it, Basa. 97-78.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Knicks Spin It!

Saw this first on a new (to us) blog called American Legends. The Rolling Stones of the late night talk show thing's still got it every now and then.

Incidentally, with less deadweight, the Knicks have won two straight in miraculous fashion (both down to the last shot). KnickerBlogger thanks New York demi-god Trent Tucker for the latter.

Monday, December 18, 2006

Yao Thanks You For Your Consideration

Between all the love and hate, Yao would like to thank you, the fans, for once again making the Big Red One-One the NBA's leading All-Star vote-getter so far.

Special ups to Greg Anthony at for his selection of Yao as early season MVP and the Associated Press for their Best Center in the NBA rhetoric. We hope you enjoyed those gift baskets. Who'd want a Nano over a 60-gig video? Nobody. With a little sweat and determination, Yao is certain we can all make sure he stays on top of the charts.
Yao Central has more.

: A concerted push for Mid-Season and All-Star MVP honors.

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Rockets in the Head: Debacle and the Mania

After sitting through two consecutive heartbreakers in the Rockets' West Coast swing, Yao Ming Mania is mad has hell and can't take it anymore. Mania seems to have swung over on the depressive side now and has begun comparing Rafer Alston to Texans' quarterback David Carr.

Mania is impressed, however, with how Yao is starting to bark about the fouls--or the obvious dearth. Freakin' zebras and their god complexes... just little men trying to hold one over on the Yellow man... Yao didn't say that, but did he mean that? Mania's got your pics.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Chuck Hayes has a Fan Site

A commentor on a Yao Central post left this URL: And sure enough, we discovered it was indeed a Chuck Hayes fan site. The only one we know of.

So... of course... there's nice pics of Chuck's back as he guards Vladimir Radmanovic... Chuck's mostly framed out torso playing help defense on Kobe... Chuck ducking out of the way of a Yao dunk... and Chuck's face obscured by Baron Davis... but at least we knew was onboard the Globetrotter Especial Championship Bandwagon de Fauna when we found this little pic upon a more recent visit...

Monday, December 04, 2006

Rockets in the Head: Deke may be a Sleeper Agent

Dikembe Mutombo knocked Tracy McGrady the fuck out. But the Rockets still won. Against the Lebrons. Convincingly. The real question is who has enlisted Dikembe Mutombo to double-cross Houston? A ploy by a certain Ohio Freemasons' society to ensure Cavaliers victory? Unsuccessful. An intricate plot by Chinese Nationals to put Yao in the limelilght? ...not so fast. Mac was doing a good enough job of that himself.

Or was this simply a case of friendly fire? Were his unsheathed elbows meant for Lebron as they were below in '04? Either way, Deke... we're watching you.

Rockets finish November 10-5 and with Yao Ming taking Western Conference Player of the Month honors... not bad. ESPN's still got 'em dropping in the Power Rankings, though, even after Houston dropped Lebron and the Cavs 81-63 (tying a team record for Points Against) to start off December. And that was without T-Mac who left the game in the first with a mild concussion (mild my ass--the kid passed out, who makes classifies these things?).

To be fair, though, the Cavs were disgusting... and just when YAYsports! lifted their boycott of Cavs games.
But I guess they have enough problems with the whole Scoop Jackson thing... yep. reporter John Lopez's Yao for MVP campaign is in full swing.

Monday, November 27, 2006

Rockets in the Head: Novak Saves

In the first game that wasn't quite a blowout, but wasn't quite not a blowout, in which the Rockets actually held off a late surge from the opposition (in this case, Memphis) and held on to a lead... the difference was Steve Novak. The rookie forward played just under three minutes in the first half and made 1-of-2 three pointers but he was the cure to the Rockets' disease. Despite not touching the hardwood in the second half, Novak single-handedly pushed the Rockets to victory. agrees... though we sense some inconsiderate irony.

Inconsiderate to the loyal followers of the cult of Novak, which includes most of Houston and the fundamentalist faction of "Red Rowdies," who merely call now for what is only the inevitable ascendance of our young savior, Steve "Brown Deer" Novak. Is you or is you ain't his constichiency?

Coach and heretic, Jeff Van Gundy, says no.

All the way down in the Rockets Notes section of, Houston's only paper news source, Novak teammate and heretic, Luther Head, receives the supposition that he was the reason the Rockets won. So what if he's 16-for-28 from three in fourth quarters this season?

Also included in the Notes is T-Mac's bid for a new stat: the would-be assist, designated if Chuck Hayes is on the receiving end.

Minnesota in town tomorrow, 7:30p. Mike James, bitch. Sorry, Oprah says no more bitch.

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Yao Lands New Endorsement Deal
Gatorade subsidiary finds niche success in pop sports media

SHANGHAI -- Yao Ming has successfully parlayed his new-found status of "player everyone loves to hate" to a two-year deal with Gatorade subsidiary, Haterade. Normally reserved for particularly outspoken or demonstrative professional athletes such as Terrell Owens, Dennis Rodman, Bill Laimbeer or Charles Barkley, Yao has somehow secured the title with none of these qualities--displaying once again the inimitable abilities of Shanghai's No. 1 son. Ironically, it has been former Haterade cover model, Charles Barkley, who has led the "Everyone Hates Yao" campaign.

Monday, November 13, 2006

Rockets in the Head: No Question

We used to record every Yao-Shaq matchup that came on television, beginning in Yao's rookie year up until our VCR broke in '05. A VCR is a video cassette recording device that stores data linearally onto a cassette of magnetic tape. It was analog. There were ups and there were downs and we cheered every point that Yao could muster. But we've never seen anything like this. Rockets beat the Heat 94-72. Yao laid the smackdown... and Yay!NBA agrees.

A key point of discussion this weekend on reporter Jonathan Feigen's Rockets blog and Yao Central was an Op-ed piece by Michael Ventre on that basically questioned Yao's ability (or willingness) to dominate. Yea, Ventre... good timing.
Again, Rockets 94, Miami 72; Yao 34 and 14, Shaq 15 and 10. And we won't even mention Yao's 35, 17 and 7 (blocks, kid) night against the Knicks on Friday... darn it, we did.

There's no more question here. Yao ain't no overgrown Charlie Chan... he is a dominator. Shaq looked silly... like silly putty mushed on the floor as the noticeably more agile 7'6"er was just quicker than the... less than gracious Big Ol' Aristotle. But Yao Central has more on that.

Not suprisingly, we've also been preoccupied with Tracy McGrady during this last 4-0 stretch. This is what he had to say about Sunday night:

"Now, I know what it feels like to sit back and watch a great player right before your eyes. Guys I played with in the past got caught up in the moment of just watching something great. That's what I'm doing right now, watching something great."

T-Mac is really deferring to Yao. He kept saying he would, but a lot of people say stuff (Kobe's another one, he's actually playing team ball this year... Kobe.). Mac's gotten a lot of criticism for his shooting this season and his reluctance to attack the rim, but he's become more of a playmaker and set-up man. We're loving those assist numbers. And we have a feeling that when Mac's confident that Yao's gonna get his any which way that he'll find his touch.

Not to keep to stickin' it to Shaq, but we couldn't help noticing that a couple of weeks ago... well, the title tells it all: Shaquille O'Neal Was Present at Botched Kiddie Porn Raid. ...enh, the story doesn't live up to the title.

"With Sunday's win, the Rockets have beaten last season's NBA Finals teams—Miami and Dallas—by a combined 53 points (F. Blinebury," All back aboard the championship bandwagon?

Friday, November 03, 2006

Rockets Lose Opener, China Ready for 'Next Yao'

The title was already used at Yao Central but we just liked it so much...

Yea, we looked right past the season opener to the far more interesting home opener versus the Mavs tomorrow night, but we did write an Opening Day piece about the Jazz-Rockets debacle for new blogger, Jim Dunn's Opening Day Fiasco on Detroit Pistons Today. Yep... that was before the game.

So, in perhaps related news... China has taken this opportunity to announce that they are ready to unveil to the NBA the "next Yao Ming," Yi Jian-lian, even though we're not quite done with this one. Anyone who's seen Yi play should know that he is really nothing like Yao Ming. He's a decently mobile forward (6' 11" 225 lbs) that has slightly above-average athleticism (for the NBA) and limited offensive ability, but this little vid is what's generating all the hype.

Yi might be a, uh... Tyson Chandler... or optimistically, a Jamaal Magliore... is that not optimisitic enough? The guy was an All-Star... albeit controversially... anyway, Golden State of Mind has other ideas.

Monday, October 30, 2006

Rockets in the Head: Drop the Hammer

Fran Blinebury and Jonathan Feigen of ask whether or not it was a good preseason on their blog... there not so sure. Also mentioned was that Ryan "The Hammer" Bowen was waived. We had no idea. It was not exactly ceremoniously announced on Feigen wonders why fans disliked Bowen so much. We can only say that he was our cult hero. Never have we loved a basketball player more with an uglier jumpshot. We'll miss "The Hammer," and we hope he takes an assistant coaching position.

It looks like the Floridian rags have never let go of their prodigal son. Tracy McGrady is still making headlines in Florida Today and the Florida Ledger, could be more, but we stopped looking after those two. The reviews all positive now. T-Mac, the Florida-native, still has plenty of love for Orlando, just not GM John Weisbrod.

Steve Novak could just gun his way into a starting spot, forget just a spot in the rotation. You know the guy has a little something when former Marquette fans keep telling me how much they miss him and how the Rockets are truly blessed. Most of Globetrotter came from a high school that bred shooters--our coach James Sharp was in the Top 5 all-time FG% shooters in NCAA history as a perimeter player. If we couldn't do anything else coming out of high school, we could shoot. Hell, one of us once made 16-18 from the arc in a league game in the first half, but we're still awed by Novak's stroke. Check this quote: "He will never lose a 3-point shooting contest." That's from Scott Padgett. McGrady says Novak is the best shooter in the NBA--already.

Van Gundy though, ever the realist, hopes that his "one great skill" doesn't turn him into a one-trick pony. JVG knows that his stroke will be an asset to the rotation, but he doesn't want Novak to start thinking that's all he has to contribute. Novak, for his part, doesn't seem adverse to learning.

These "2 Chinese' boys" are still around. Well, Arizona's a little slow going with the pop culture, but we broke the story on these fellas a year ago. If they start getting paid for this shit, we gotta get a finder's fee or at least a shout out on Ryan Seacrest radio.

Friday, October 20, 2006

Rockets in the Head: Unlucky in Ball... Just Unlucky

The Houston Rockets are cursed. Let's face it, just when we get our players healthy, some "accident" or freak injury keeps happening. We can't remember this many nagging injuries since we started watching the Rockets in the early 80s. Then again all of basketball has gotten more injury-prone. But the Rockets' cause of injuries are getting ridiculous. First, it was Yao and his toe... and now energizer bunny/forward Chuck has missed games due to 1.) getting electrocuted at the water fountain and 2.) slipping on a puddle of water on the court during practice.

Somebody needs to put the Rockets in a bubble when their off the court and ship them to a safehouse via armored vehicular transport. The actual headliner in the story linked above is T-Mac's praise for rookie forward, Steve Novak. It's puzzling now that Novak dropped so far in the draft The boy can shoot.

We know Yao is not exactly known as a great prognosticator of talent, but he's convinced Vassy Spoons has got a little Steve Nash in him. Yea, yea... okay... when you're done laughing, remember that had anyone told you Nash were going to win back-to-back MVPs during his rookie year, you'd be laughing just like that. We're not saying Spoons equals Nash, but we wouldn't mind, so we've digitally recreated Spanoulis in the Nash likeness. Not bad, eh?

Boy still looks like Colin Farrell... this time from The New World.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Yao is a Company Man

After reaching out to Yao about leaving Reebok and joining the dark empire of Nike, Yao has responded with a little jab of his own.

After being told by Chronicle reporter, Jonathan Feigen, that Dallas Mavericks' Dirk Nowitzki, Jason Terry and Jerry Stackhouse have not yet played a pre-season game, Yao responded: "They haven't played yet? Must wear Nikes."

Well played young man, well played.

But the love doesn't stop there. Surfing around on "the 'Net" as we often do, we across a horde of young people who love Reebok's Yao Ming line of sneakers... enough to render their own versions.

Monday, October 16, 2006

Train's Ex Says 'Hi, How You Like Me Now?'

Train's ex-girlfriend introduces herself to new Houston Rockets Vassy Spoons and Shane--then she gets this picture taken and sends it to him. Nice. Spoons, though, is getting dangersously close to Colin Farrell territory. Looks like a bad Miami Vice look-alike contest. Aren't they wearing matching outfits?

Friday, October 13, 2006

Rockets in the Head: Van Gundy's Happy Face

This is Jeff Van Gundy before Houston's pre-season started, almost giddy, believing the Rockets had made the right moves in the off-season. Then Yao had his big toenail removed.

But Van Gundy is laying his trademark scowl to rest... or at least, he's really trying to, all in an attempt to put on a happy face this season and approach things with... uh, optimism. In this interview at, JVG tries to convince himself Yao's toe is half-full.

So our favorite little tax attorney has gotten a lot of criticism during his time in H-town, not all of it unwarranted, but we wouldn't ask for anyone else ('cept maybe Rudy T). Van Gundy is otherwise perfect here. The guy's hilarious--just look at that lichtikeh punim.

Rockets lost their preseason opener to Memphis, but Mac looked good as well as the actual starters that did play in the first half. Houston's traded draft pick, Rudy Gay, showed some signs of things to come. Game was lost in the second with the Rockets' reserves, whom all seem to know they need a lot of work. Van Gundy's not sold on Vassy Spoons or Little John Lucas (yayuh!) yet for that back-up point spot yet. Kirk Snyder looks really weird in a Rockets uniform for some reason. Rockets to play Atlanta tonight.

As for the beginning of the Bonzi era... or year... in Houston, it has been unfortunately postponed yet again due to root canal. Classic excuse. We totally feel blown off.

Monday, October 09, 2006

Sharks Fin Soup-Gate: T-Mac Speaks Out

With all the new hype we've been peddling for the impending '06-'07 Houston Rockets campaign, we've had to put on the back-burner our Story of the Year:

After we tapped out every resource we had (meaning browsed Google for about an hour, e-mailed some friends who live close to Yao's house in Houston and hassled John from Yao Ming Mania), the lack of definitive leads caused the story to fade... that is until Mr. Irrelevant, Jamie Mottram (not a diss, but the name of his blog), from AOL Sports Bloggers Live e-mailed us last week with a response from the source... or one of them.

After a rigorous interrogation of Rockets star, Tracy McGrady, the AOL SBL crew managed to secure Mac's official stance. Yes, he has Yao's back on this... interesting choice of words. He... probably still couldn't care less about the actual sharks, but we applaud T-Mac's supporting his Chinese friend-giant. We knew he would. We knew this was a set up by China and the Red Guard all along. But what strain has this controversy already left on the Rockets teammates? Will lingering resentment surface during the course of the season? How will the public receive T-Mac's indecisive stance on the soup? The issue will be brought up again in the primaries and T-Mac will surely be called a waffler on shark's fin soup. We here at Globetrotter, however, endorse Mac and support his brave decision with vigor, just so long as he doesn't change it again.

Big ups to True Hoop magnate, Henry Abbott, for influencing the AOL Sports Bloggers Live guys to interrogate Mac. We couldn't have done it better ourselves. We couldn't have done it.