Tuesday, April 18, 2006

China Mobilizes Terra Cotta Army
Houston Rockets' Van Gundy Principal Target

"Slowly but surely," says General Chen Hua-Ping, commander of China's renowned Terra Cotta army in the Shanxi province. The soldiers built literally of terra cotta to protect the mausoleum of the first emperor of the Qin Dynasty, Qin Shi Huang, and since relegated to "tourist attraction" have now been reinstated. To find and capture Houston Rockets coach, Jeff Van Gundy.

With China's million man army pre-occupied with subverting Taiwanese, Tibetan and East Turkistanian bids for independence, as well as staged war games to intimidate capitalist nations, Chinese retribution on Van Gundy--whose poor judgement and "capitalist manipulation" forced China's recent Model Worker of the Year, Yao Ming, to break his foot last week in a basketball game against the Utah Jazz--will have to depend on the 8,099 or so 2,216-year-old terra cotta soldiers.

"The actions of this capitalist pig will not go unpunished. But he is on the lower end of our to-capture list," says General Chen.

Until the Terra Cotta army makes headway, China will continue to lightly carpet-bomb cyberspace, as it has all last week.

"Our bloggers and message board browsers are working harmoniously to condemn [Jeff Van Gundy's] heinous act," says General Chen of China's finest virtual sweatshops, "matching the volume of our NBA All-Star voting offensive."


train said...

another great post...bravo

train said...

go fuck yourself