Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Duke's NBA Predictions '05-06 Edition

Three years ago Duke claims to have beat Sebastian Telfair in a game of 21 at Pratt University in Brooklyn. PSAL Champion, High School All-American, NBA or whatever, Duke will always hold that game over Bassy's head. Telfair may make millions, but Duke gets to predict his future and naysay. These are his predictions:


1. The Houston Rockets will not win their division, but they will win the NBA CHAMPIONSHIP. Period.

2. The Spurs will win 65 games and hold home court throughout the playoffs, but will get knocked out in the Western Conference Finals in Houston on game 6. Bowen will be quoted as saying, "it's hard to say this with a straight face, but I... I thought I had guarded him pretty well but..." Tracy McGrady will be FINALS MVP.

3. Lebron James will average 28.4 points 8.6 rebounds 9.2 assists 2.1 steals and 1.3 blocks per game. The Cavs (with the help of Hughes) will reach the Eastern Quarterfinals before getting knocked out by Detroit. Lebron will be awarded MVP for his trouble.

4. Mo Cheeks and Allen Iverson will have career years, leading a team of youngsters and not-so youngsters to the playoffs, before getting squashed by Dwane Wade and the Heat. Iverson will get 30+ for the season and 8+ assists. Mo will win COACH OF THE YEAR.

5. Ron-Ron and Jermaine O'neal will lead an inspired Pacers team to the Eastern Conference finals. They will beat Detroit in the Semis in the most competetive and emotional playoff series in the history of mankind. Ron-Ron will deserve DEFENSIVE PLAYER OF THE YEAR but will get snubbed... for obvious reasons. The award instead goes to Ben Wallace for no better reason.

6. During stretches of the season, the Spurs back-up guard combo of Nick Van Exel and Michael Finley play so well that Parker and Ginobili's minutes become significantly reduced (less than 24 per game). Finley wins 6th MAN OF THE YEAR by a vote over runner-up, Nick the Quick.

7. Usually when a number 2 pick comes to training camp, the coaching staff will have some kind of plan to incorporate such a player into the line up. In Donnie Darko's case, Larry Brown had another idea, an idea that would lodge Darko on the furthest reaches of the bench for two entire seasons. But now that Larry is gone and Flip is in, Darko will win MOST IMPROVED PLAYER by merely stepping onto the court.

8. In an interesting twist, Larry Brown will buck his history of shunning young players, and become a believer in Nate Robinson. He will give him minutes early in the season, not because he likes him, but to punish Stephon. After seeing the kid born in '84 run the floor, Larry falls in love and gives Nate full back-up duty, sometimes playing Starbury and "Fate" at the same time. Fate wins ROOKIE OF THE YEAR.

9. A few good years, a couple of playoff bids, a ton of talent, but no playoff victories and Fratello can kiss his ass goodbye. The Memphis Grizzlies will get the nod for MOST DISAPPOINTING TEAM in '05-06. "Jesus" is just good enough to give the runner-up Sonics just enough Ws to stay runner-up. The MOST IMPROVED TEAM will be Baron Davis' Golden State Warriors.

10. I'm personally looking forward to the All-Star break this year. It will be the sickest of all sicknessess of dunkage ever recorded on digital recording. Nate Robinson, Lebron James, Gerald Green, and last year's champ Josh Smith will battle for the crown... Bron-Bron wins by jumping from the the free throw line off one, cocking the ball back and stuffing it through with BOTH hands... which beats Gerald Green dunking with the side of his face.

These are my predictions... don't be scurred when they all come true.


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